be a man

As a caution to the 5-15 people who stop by this blog, this post contains harsh language directed specifically towards men.

Halloween seems to be the time of year for girls, many underage, to dress like they’re trying to make $20 on the seediest street in town. I have two thoughts that stream into my head when I see this.

1. Pray that my daughter will never dress like that

2. Whoever this girl’s dad is, he is the biggest wuss ever.

I saw one example of this the other night where a not even legal young lady was wearing just enough to be on network tv after 10pm, and her dad was with her. The dude was a hulking guy, the kind of guy that guys like me probably shouldn’t blog about for fear of retribution, but I don’t have the best sense of judgement, and almost no aversion to confrontation.

I couldn’t understand why this dad was allowing his daughter to be on display. Didn’t he love her? Didn’t he see more in her than to let her be devalued? Was he just in “friend-mode” with her, trying to avoid the typical teen-girl/daddy rebellion? That night he was the picture of middle-aged castration. A grown boy with no guts to stand up for his little girl. The kind of man who would rather have men think about having sex with her, than be an example of what it is to be a man and protect her.

I’m sure this seems harsh, but fatherhood has obviously been on my mind, being a father of a little girl. (& another boy or girl in 6 weeks) Maybe men take lightly their role as protector until it’s too late, and they’re left with no choice but to be a friend to their kids because they already lost the battle to be their father. Either way, for the dads who read this we shouldn’t take it lightly; we are responsible for the souls of our children.

Please don’t take this for me proclaiming that I’m the alpha, there are many simple man-like things I can’t accomplish, but protecting my daughter is something I will do, always.

As guys in our culture become increasingly more self-involved, it seems we lose the simplest things about being men; loving and caring for our wives and kids. We aren’t made to just physically protect them, (though we certainly should be able to), we need to guard their hearts. (gasp! Christian cliche’)

As I hear boys my age, (not men) who are married, some with kids, talk about things like “marathon video game weekends”, I just want to gut-punch them and say;
“Dude, you’re wasting a weekend playing in front of a tv screen when you have kids who need your time, and/or  a wife who you should be in bed with.” 

(Yes, I said “in bed with”. That means sex. If you have time to play a video game you have time to buy a bottle of wine and romance your wife, which will probably lead to sex. Sex is better than any video game. Sex also leads to children sometimes, which is a blessing. Sex is good.)

I think the reason this type of behavior infuriates me is because I have been this man. I have been the spaced out dad at the dinner table thinking about my plans rather than engaging my family. I have been the guy setting the mannequin head on fire when my wife needed my help. (you’re welcome Bryan Allain) I’ve seen the folly of being self-centered, and don’t want laziness or pride to cause young husbands and fathers to surrender their manhood and leave their families with a shell of a man without a decent set of stones.

you could be happy.

I’ve been starting off my blogs  with a “what I’m listening to right now” theme, and I was going to try and name something totally under the radar and obscure so the reader could see how cool and indie I am, but I’m not cool, or indie…maybe someday.

“You could be happy” is the Snow Patrol song that I’m listening to right now. I think that this song is gorgeous, and the added fact that the  arrangement is just vocals and vibraphone makes it uber cool, which is German for awesome. There is beauty in that lack of instrumentation, in the space that it creates, and I have to keep reminding myself of that when I write songs.  It’s so melancholy, and for some reason I’m unusually attracted to these types of songs, which is wierd because for the most part I am in the opposite mood.

“What’s new” with me right now is that, at long last, the recording of ‘The Mint’s’ album is completed. I blogged awhile back about our progress and some of the frustrations that came along with this project. After listening to some of the rough mixes I’m pleasantly surprised that I like it. I’m sure that sounds wierd, but when we write songs it’s pretty easy for me to be our own worst critic. In the earlier days I couldn’t even stand to listen to my own singing voice on a recording. Also, the  songs weren’t very good then, so that didn’t help.

At this point though, while I don’t regard them as “earth changing” at all, I’m a bit more comfortable in my own skin…or voice, being aware of the limitations that come along with that. Win or lose, I’ll be proud of these tracks.  It’s also easier now to “divorce” myself from a song, so when there is criticism given, I don’t take it personally. 

 I’m always striving/stressing to maintain a balance between my musical passions and the passions towards my family, and I’m thankful that the completed record will allow a return of some time to my family. I know it seems anti-musician, but things like family are, to me, eternal. Hopefully I have the honor of dying as an old man, surrounded by family, and I bet I won’t be thinking about rock and roll.  I’ll be thinking about how I love them, and hopefully how they love me and are thankful for our lives spent together. Now I’m not discounting rock and roll; it’s a beautiful thing and I have no less passion for than I did before I was married, or before kids.  I just think I’m learing to have my passions in order, and naturally my desires to play music come after my desire to be a man who follows Jesus and serves his family. When those things are in their place, I think it makes music even more beautiful. I feel I can make it with purpose, or just allow it to happen organically, if that makes sense.

When I say “organically”, I mean that it happens without me forcing it.

One thing I, we, (Erin and I),  have been praying about for a few months has been God’s purpose with music in my life. I love my band, and I’ve come to love playing music for worship as well. (If you’re not a christian or haven’t been to church and think that this is where I swan dive into the deep end, bear with me). What I’m saying is that I believe we are created to worship our creator, and that our greatest joy can be found in him. Playing music that  praises the many attributes of God, is one of the ways  christians do that.

Anyways, we’ve been praying about this, and in the last few months I’ve had some cool experiences playing and leading worship, at our home church, and at some others.  Oddly enough, I’ve been led back to where I started, at Journey Church outside of Phoenixville PA. My cousin,  Steve Defrain,  is the pastor there, and I used to be the worship leader there 4-5 years ago when the church started. At that time of my life, as I wrote in an earlier posts, I was in a very different place in my faith, and also in all aspects of life I was fairly immature. The commute there was a factor, but the bottom line is that after 23 years in church (Pastor’s kid),  I was burned out and disillusioned. I had seen the good and bad that comes from church, and church politics in general, and had enough of it. I knew how to talk how christians talked, and to act how christians should act, but couldn’t love how Christ loves. I think at that time I knew God, but didn’t know who I was in Christ, and in reality I probably didn’t care. (again, if you’re not a christian I’m sure that this  sounds wierd). I’m not saying that now I’m the picture of maturity (absolutely not), or that I have Christianity figured out, (I don’t); I just want God’s will.

So, a new season in life begins, and I’ll be there every Sunday  (9:30 & 11:15). We’re really thankful that God has blessed us this way, because it’s a pretty direct answer to prayer.  It also shows that God has a sense of humor, because he’s allowing me, the most cynical of all, to serve. If you are a praying person, I would appreciate a prayer for wisdom.

Back to rock and roll: The Mint’s album is called “Everything All at Once”. I’ll try and post some mixes on here when I get them.

-Jon

Hearts in Exile

I was going to call this “faith through disappointment”, but that seemed weak. “Hearts in Exile” was a potential title we threw around for the new album, but I think “Everything all at once” is the winner. (we should be finished this week)

As we all go through various trials, personal, professional, etc…how we deal with these trials that can make all the difference.

Not that all musicians are this way, but I have a bent to the “emotional”, prone to focus on the negative, or the possible negatives in a situation.  I can take for granted all of the blessings I have to let something inconsequential rob my joy. I read today from the book of Nehemiah, and it was really encouraging. If you’re not familiar this is my recap:

Nehemiah was a Jew exiled in Babylon, and the walls of his home city, the city of God, Jerusalem, were destroyed. 

Nehemiah was disappointed, so disappointed that the bible says he wept when he heard about the state  his home was in. He prayed knowing God’s mercy to his people, and believed God would answer him. He wanted to go back and rebuild the walls, so with a sword in his hand he went back home and did it. The Jews who returned worked with one hand and held a weapon in the other, ready to defend the city. That’s an awesome picture for me;  following God, ready to work, sword in hand ready to fight for what God has for you. Maybe it’s because I think ninjas are cool and secretly wish I was a ulitmate fighter, but it’s pretty sweet to build city walls and hold sharp objects of destruction. Multi-tasking for the uber-manly.

There are times when I feel my dream is in decay. That whatever I felt was put into my heart to do that I thought was from God, was maybe just from myself, and my own sense of ambition.

The beauty is that when my, our, hearts feel in exile from our hopes and dreams, God is not. He’s ever-present in every situation.  I find that I really have no answers for the future, but I pray to the one who holds the past present and future in his hands, and that’s a comforting thing. Now if I could just find a cool sword…

Is that a plus or minus sign?

Today is Saturday, the 26th day of Septmeber. My iPhone is on shuffle and “Airbag” by Radiohead just started playing. This song, and the album it’s on is in my all-time top 5.

I am home alone this weekend, being that my wife and daughter are at the beach for a “girls weekend”.  I know I should love a weekend to myself, and I’m having fun, but the truth is I don’t like it at all.

I’ll start by saying that God is smart, and in his infinite love and wisdom he blessed us with Addison in his timing; which was a few years ahead of our plan. She’s now 17 months old, and this is her:

she's very proud of her hat.

A few random examples on how God teaches me through her, and also her brother or sister yet to be born.

1. I am prideful, and nothing humbles you like a dirty diaper at 3am, or the first time I heard her say “love you daddy”. However cool I thought I was, the fragility of that moment, and every other time I hear those words breaks me down.

2. I have never prayed for wisdom more in my life than I do know. Being responsible for more lives than my own makes me realize how much I don’t know, and how much I need God to teach me, correct me, and guide the decisions I make.

3. I am learning grace. If you’re reading this and know me, then you know I can be pretty critical and harsh at times, not overflowing in love or compassion. What I am learning though, is that God’s grace is huge, and in that grace he extended the honor of being a dad to a sinner like me. In fact, the weight of being a parent brings to light how inadequate I am, bringing a much lower opinion of myself and elevating others.

Those are just 3 examples off of the top of my head. The Bible has numerous references to the blessing of children, (Psalm 127:3, Psalm 139:13), and I seemed to skip them, or the importance of them before I had my own. What I am thankful for is God’s plan in our lives, that even if Erin and I made our own, his was perfect. He has used the joy of having kids to increase my, and our (Erin & I’s) faith.

If you’re reading this and have children, then hopefully you feel similar to how I do, at least most days!

If you don’t plan to have kids, that’s cool, just be nice to them.

If you’re a young married couple like we were, and find out you’re unexpectedly pregnant take heart; God has a plan to bless you, even if you just crapped your pants.

Back in the building

So I remembered I have a blog. I should probably start doing some sort of writing to piggyback with recording the album, so the 7 sometimes readers will know about it when it comes out.
It’s surprisingly easy to do this on the iPhone btw…
We (the mint) are about 10 songs in right now, and stylistically they’re all over the place. I think the general theme of the record is loss and redemption. I tend to gravitate towards these things for some reason, moreso this time because I spent a fair amount of time in Ecclesiastes.
There also has been a healthy dose of creative tension, being that we’ve never written songs in the studio. To be perfectly honest, I have felt like quitting a few times, cutting my nose off to spite my face.
It turns out though that said creative tension has fueled a creative fire, and I think these songs will stand tall against anything else we’ve done. The guitar setup right now is my favorite I’ve ever had:

Fender Super Reverb 4×10 combo
Fender Deluxe Reverb 1×12 combo
Running Both, stereo delay
MXR comp pedal
Jekyll & Hyde Overdrive
Boss Super Overdrive
Various other pedals….

Gibson Les Paul Custom
Gretsch Semi-Hollowbody
PRS McCarty Hollowbody
Chandler USA custom Tele

That’s all for now….

Jon

March 21st

I admit it, I am a lazy blogger. Luckily, Ken Mueller is not. Ken does marketing for WXPN, and was kind enough to blog about The Mint’s upcoming show at the Chameleon March 21st. This show is going to highlight, and benefit Love146. www.love146.org. Love146 rescues children from sex slavery.

Check out his blog here.

I have been away from the computer blog machine

Yes, I took some time off. In the past few weeks we’ve sold our house and moved into a new home, so there hasn’t been much time and energy left to do much else. Moving sucks, but we love our new place.

So the Steelers won. I’ve had a few people try to convince me that I should root for them because they’re from Pennsylvania, and because I’m from Pennsylvania I should pull for a team from my state. Pittsburgh is 4 hours away. That makes no sense to me. New York and Baltimore are closer to my house and I don’t like them. I was really hoping the Cardinals could make the upset happen, and it should have if the refs would have made the right call with 5 seconds left and called Warner’s pass incomplete instead of a fumble.

Besides that, I think as we get unpacked I’ll get back into the flow of using the blog machine.

-Jon

Sorry paperboy..er…man.

Basically I blame heartburn. I rarely get it, but it keeps me up at night when I do. We went to Maggiano’s for my Mom’s birthday last night, which was great, but…ouch.
I decided to migrate to the couch so Erin could sleep at about 1:30 am. It actually wasn’t that awful at first. I watched “Stargate” with Kurt Russell on demand, then “Underworld” was on TBS. Still awake at 5 am, I heard a noise at my door.
We live in the city, which we love, and in a fairly safe neighborhood. I still am very aware of the surroundings, and that crime happens everywhere.
Back to the noise…
I bolted off the couch and saw a very scruffy man of considerable size a few steps from my door. Without thought I yelled through the glass, in my most menacing tone, “CAN I HELP YOU?”.
In this process I hit the code on my security system so I could open the door, and in my mind, “open a can”…but instead I tripped the system making it go off. In the confusion, I realized that the scruffy man was probably not trying to break in, he just made some extra noise dropping of my morning paper. The alarm company called my cell phone to see if we were ok, which we were.
So paperman…if you read this blog, I AM SORRY!

Resolutions…

…are kind of a waste of time.  Sure, we’ve all made them. I made one a few years ago that I’d be in Men’s Health magazine due to my amazing physical transformation, and I’m still waiting for their call…I’m too lazy to enact said transformation.

Usually people make resolutions dealing with losing weight, working out (if you’ve driven past your local gym in early January then you know what I mean), quitting smoking, drinking less (or more), the list goes on. Time and time again the promises end up being about yourself, things you can do to become the optimal version of yourself…Jon OSX10, etc. There’s nothing wrong with self improvement,  I think I’m just tired of thinking solely about myself. I know I shouldn’t quit, being selfish is the one thing I truly excel at, but more and more I realize I can change nothing about who I am. Yes, I can change my weight, my bicep size, etc, but that’s not who or what I am.

Who I am, and what we are, is imperfect, and will always be. Just accepting it and going on isn’t the answer, but that’s the beauty of God. Our imperfection should cause us to look at his perfection, and our weakness should call out for his strength.

Hopefully this year I can take my mind off of myself, for a change.

So this is the new year.

And I don’t feel any different.

-Death Cab for Cutie

 

Hello 2009

 Thanks Bryan for the photo. I hope everyone had a great and safe night, and many happy returns for each and every one of you.