Here are some of the ways I do this:

1. Bible Verse Status Updates Yes, I might be “super pumped” about what I just read, but I’m also super pumped about the giant coffee I just drank. Having you thinking that I’m into theology at 6:30am is better than you picturing me air- punching in a robe from the amount of caffeine I just consumed.

2. “Best Dad Ever” Updates I love my kids. I want you to know that I love my kids. Look at the pictures, so cute, so little. I take my daughter on “daddy dates” sometimes, and I want you to know that. What I don’t want you to know is how my sons high-pitch shriek and my daughter’s new habit of taking an hour to get settled for bed can leave me clueless and (sometimes) muttering words that would make a sailor blush.

3. Workout/Running Updates I know you workout sometimes. I do to. Here’s my reality; on a good week (a very good week) I’ll average going to the gym twice. I go twice with my cousin to Planet Fitness because he is a black card member and I’m his guest so I get in for free. There is the ghetto truth.

4. “What I’m listening to right now” Updates I just posted an obscure band on my wall to make you think I’m awesome and my music tastes are so avant-garde. Here’s the truth; I like the same bands I did 10 years ago. I heard a new song on the radio, found the video on YouTube and shared the link.

4. Church Promotion Updates I do this regularly. I love my church, I work at the church. If you’re person who follows famous pastors on Twitter then you’ll see that they do this too. Then we all retweet what they’ve said, or better yet, re-worded it to make it sound like an original thought. The clincher is the hashtag. The danger is that we can inundate people with Christian-ese (the language only church people speak). Most likely, they don’t know or care about our church. Worst case is that they’ve met me or you outside of church and the stuff we write compared with how we act doesn’t line up.

The reason for all of this is Ephesians 4:1 ; “As a prisoner of the Lord, then I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

I read this today and felt like an idiot. I am continually focused on my own image rather than realizing that the person I claim to worship as God (Jesus) came to serve. He took the low place. He didn’t tweet to all of his followers right after he healed leprosy. He didn’t scour the internet in search of a video of his sermon on the mount so he could promote his next event.

Social media isn’t evil, and I’ll still use it, but if I would look at the internet-only version of me, that dude doesn’t need a savior. The reality is that “real Jon” absolutely does, in the worst-way.

Here’s the most simple explanation I have:

Bands make bad gods. For years the band I was in was uppermost in my affections, the source of my identity, and my sense of purpose rose and fell on what was going on with the band. If we played a great show or got some good publicity, I felt like a winner. If we were in a dry season, I was a total failure. Even though I love the music and the guys I played it with, in the end bands still make bad gods.

A few years ago (as referenced in previous posts) I changed my god from my band to Jesus. I would have told you I loved Jesus then, but I didn’t, ask my wife. Jesus didn’t tell me to leave the band, (which is a lame excuse that was definitely used by a few girls to break up with me when I was younger.).  What I am learning though, is that if my #1 priority is to follow Jesus, then after that love and serve my wife and kids, the band must be lower on my list of priorities. It’s unfair to give 30% of my energy to the band if other guys are giving it 100%, as I don’t want to stand in the way of their collective dreams.

I leave with absolutely no regrets. I pursued a dream with my friends for 9 years and it was awesome, and sometimes smelled weird if we were in the van too long. I find a huge amount of joy in being a husband, father, and being at Journey Church. I feel blessed to have been with them, and want them to be blessed after I leave.

If you ever came to a show, bought a t-shirt, a song, anything…thank you. You made my formative years forever memorable.

Here’s the lyrics:

Start Over

think of ways to change your mind

devise a plan, and lose your life

figure out what you want, when all of this gets sorted out

you left this place in ruins

you’re tired of love, and being used

so go on find your place, in this darkened room

you start over, I’ll start over

we always needed more

I guess it’s better to run, than be ignored

so put my name on the line, I’ll leave this when it’s through

the road is paved with fools

a tireless complaint, the listless renew

set your eyes to the floor, and I will be there too

you start over, I’ll start over

I demoed the song on my iPhone, and some of the sampling comes directly from that recording. The gorgeous female vocals you hear are from the multi-talented artist Kimberly Narcisi (Kimber Liana).
I hope you enjoy the song, it’s my favorite track on the album.

As “The Mint” we collaborate on the chord structures and arrangements, but the lyric writing comes from me. Certain songs are vague in meaning, more of a narrative rather than a personal experience, but this song is not. If you’ve checked out any earlier posts, I frequently speak about Jesus, and some of the things that have been going on in my life within the last two years.

“Everything” is an extension of a prayer. When I’m singing “come and find me in your own way”, I’m not asking in a pantheistic, “many paths” way, but in a, “God please, show me you” way. At an undetermined time in the last 2 years, I started to “wake up” to the things I’ve heard my whole life. The hardness and cynicism towards all things church started to thaw (still thawing) and it became more than dogma. God, to my surprise,  was real to me, and I couldn’t make him in my image. No matter how post-modern I thought I was, and no matter how hard I tried to repaint Christianity to suit my needs, I failed. I  became acutely aware of my own insignificance, and overwhelmed by His Greatness. There wasn’t much I could do about it. I’m not a TULIP Calvinist, this is just my story because it’s my blog.

This song is that prayer.

Everything All at Once

everything all at once, everything all at once

I tried to ignore you, but you’re all I see

all these fears find their way, they punish every single day

the chains are too much for my arms to free

come and find me in your own way, take me

come and find me in your own way

what I want and what I’ve spent

the decadence breeds regret

I’ve tasted, I’ve tasted, but it runs from me

I left the truth for my pride

it fills me up with empty lies

I want you, I want you, but my eyes can’t see

come and find me in your own way, take me

come and find me in your way

That’s the brief synopsis of the song. If you’d like to hear more, you can check out the album, and come out on 3/26 at the Chameleon Club for the CD Release. We’d also love to see you at the Lancaster for Haiti event 4/2 at the Convention Center.

Lets start this by defining 2 camps of Christians; the churched and the unchurched. The people who have known, or known about Jesus for so long that they’re numb to the Gospel, and sinners who understand that Jesus is their only hope. For many years, I was in the first camp. I was “aware” of God, proclaimed to be a believer, but lived with loose convictions and basically took the concept of grace for granted because I had enough knowledge to be wise in my own eyes. It turns out that the knowledge I thought I had was simply pride, and it’s a war that’s still raging inside of me at times.

I’m not sure when it happened exactly, probably age 25-ish, but the complacency that surrounded my thoughts began to burn off. My illusions of being justified by the façade of a moral life started to seem so cheap, and for the first time, I began to understand that Jesus didn’t come and die for me because I had so much offer him, he came to save me from myself because I’m nothing but sin without him. Suddenly, it wasn’t about the rules anymore, it was about this crazy love that I didn’t deserve. It was a story now,  it wasn’t just words on a page. It was an epic, not cold and religious, but full of life and death and a God who isn’t sitting on a cloud, but is running after his people.

That’s grace. Unmerited favor. We can spin it a bunch of ways, but the deal is that we don’t deserve it.

For a long time I viewed sanctification (being made holy by God) as a vertical process. God moving us up an imaginary ladder until we’re like him. Being completely forthright, it’s still easy to slip back into that kind of thinking. Here’s the thing though, that “vertical process” can, for me, eventually lead to serious pride and self-righteousness. It might work like that, I don’t know for sure, I don’t understand it all yet, maybe never…

What I do think is that grace is the antithesis to that vertical ladder process. God showing you the sin in your life, that separation between himself and man, all pointing to the need for Jesus. I think your need to be saved should be the basis for your life. The healthy don’t need a doctor, the sick do.

Just my thoughts today.

I am a little late on the blog announcement; Jude Allen Decker was born December 8th 2009, and weighed 7.4 lbs and was 20″ long. In the 2+ weeks since his birth he is filling out nicely, and both he and Erin are feeling great.  The doctors did notice a dilated kidney while he was in utero, which could cause some urine reflux (risk of bladder/kidney infections), and also in another ultrasound after he was born. Yesterday we took him to get a catheterization test, (which was not fun for me to watch), but thankfully he is fine and should need no further intrusions!

People asked me why we named him “Jude”. Like any name people choose, we like the way it sounds. Also, Jude was an apostle and wrote a short, but important book in the New Testament (just before Revelation), that encouraged and corrected the early church.

I am a huge Beatles fan, and “Hey Jude” is one of my favorite songs.

The picture above is of our little girl, Addison, holding her new brother. My expectations were that she would feel jealous, but it’s really been the opposite, as she’s eager to help, hold, and kiss her new “buddy”.

Having 2 kids is still very surreal to me. It’s very humbling when you think about the responsibility you have to them, and really how unprepared you are. Not only are we as parents needing to meet their physical needs, but in reality I am responsible for leading these kids to know Jesus, so I need to know him. (I do). As I wrote in earlier posts I’m thankful God has chosen having a family to not only bless me beyond what I deserve, but to teach me, humble me, and show me that I need to rely on him.

Even writing that last paragraph seems out of sorts to my old way of thinking, but it’s the truth. My heart and mind were nowhere close to that 3 years ago. It’s funny that now everything in life seems to run back to the Gospel. I don’t think I was ever out of God’s hand, but in the last few years he has found a way to take himself into the corners of my life, even in the darkened places that I used to keep for myself. For his grace and mercy on me I am grateful.

I also feel a need when I write things about God to write a disclaimer, being that at some point, if you know me, you will probably see me sin or say something ridiculous; I’m sorry, I’m still a fool, that’s why I need Jesus.

Halloween seems to be the time of year for girls, many underage, to dress like they’re trying to make $20 on the seediest street in town. I have two thoughts that stream into my head when I see this.

1. Pray that my daughter will never dress like that

2. Whoever this girl’s dad is, he is the biggest wuss ever.

I saw one example of this the other night where a not even legal young lady was wearing just enough to be on network tv after 10pm, and her dad was with her. The dude was a hulking guy, the kind of guy that guys like me probably shouldn’t blog about for fear of retribution, but I don’t have the best sense of judgement, and almost no aversion to confrontation.

I couldn’t understand why this dad was allowing his daughter to be on display. Didn’t he love her? Didn’t he see more in her than to let her be devalued? Was he just in “friend-mode” with her, trying to avoid the typical teen-girl/daddy rebellion? That night he was the picture of middle-aged castration. A grown boy with no guts to stand up for his little girl. The kind of man who would rather have men think about having sex with her, than be an example of what it is to be a man and protect her.

I’m sure this seems harsh, but fatherhood has obviously been on my mind, being a father of a little girl. (& another boy or girl in 6 weeks) Maybe men take lightly their role as protector until it’s too late, and they’re left with no choice but to be a friend to their kids because they already lost the battle to be their father. Either way, for the dads who read this we shouldn’t take it lightly; we are responsible for the souls of our children.

Please don’t take this for me proclaiming that I’m the alpha, there are many simple man-like things I can’t accomplish, but protecting my daughter is something I will do, always.

As guys in our culture become increasingly more self-involved, it seems we lose the simplest things about being men; loving and caring for our wives and kids. We aren’t made to just physically protect them, (though we certainly should be able to), we need to guard their hearts. (gasp! Christian cliche’)

As I hear boys my age, (not men) who are married, some with kids, talk about things like “marathon video game weekends”, I just want to gut-punch them and say;
“Dude, you’re wasting a weekend playing in front of a tv screen when you have kids who need your time, and/or  a wife who you should be in bed with.” 

(Yes, I said “in bed with”. That means sex. If you have time to play a video game you have time to buy a bottle of wine and romance your wife, which will probably lead to sex. Sex is better than any video game. Sex also leads to children sometimes, which is a blessing. Sex is good.)

I think the reason this type of behavior infuriates me is because I have been this man. I have been the spaced out dad at the dinner table thinking about my plans rather than engaging my family. I have been the guy setting the mannequin head on fire when my wife needed my help. (you’re welcome Bryan Allain) I’ve seen the folly of being self-centered, and don’t want laziness or pride to cause young husbands and fathers to surrender their manhood and leave their families with a shell of a man without a decent set of stones.

“You could be happy” is the Snow Patrol song that I’m listening to right now. I think that this song is gorgeous, and the added fact that the  arrangement is just vocals and vibraphone makes it uber cool, which is German for awesome. There is beauty in that lack of instrumentation, in the space that it creates, and I have to keep reminding myself of that when I write songs.  It’s so melancholy, and for some reason I’m unusually attracted to these types of songs, which is wierd because for the most part I am in the opposite mood.

“What’s new” with me right now is that, at long last, the recording of ‘The Mint’s’ album is completed. I blogged awhile back about our progress and some of the frustrations that came along with this project. After listening to some of the rough mixes I’m pleasantly surprised that I like it. I’m sure that sounds wierd, but when we write songs it’s pretty easy for me to be our own worst critic. In the earlier days I couldn’t even stand to listen to my own singing voice on a recording. Also, the  songs weren’t very good then, so that didn’t help.

At this point though, while I don’t regard them as “earth changing” at all, I’m a bit more comfortable in my own skin…or voice, being aware of the limitations that come along with that. Win or lose, I’ll be proud of these tracks.  It’s also easier now to “divorce” myself from a song, so when there is criticism given, I don’t take it personally. 

 I’m always striving/stressing to maintain a balance between my musical passions and the passions towards my family, and I’m thankful that the completed record will allow a return of some time to my family. I know it seems anti-musician, but things like family are, to me, eternal. Hopefully I have the honor of dying as an old man, surrounded by family, and I bet I won’t be thinking about rock and roll.  I’ll be thinking about how I love them, and hopefully how they love me and are thankful for our lives spent together. Now I’m not discounting rock and roll; it’s a beautiful thing and I have no less passion for than I did before I was married, or before kids.  I just think I’m learing to have my passions in order, and naturally my desires to play music come after my desire to be a man who follows Jesus and serves his family. When those things are in their place, I think it makes music even more beautiful. I feel I can make it with purpose, or just allow it to happen organically, if that makes sense.

When I say “organically”, I mean that it happens without me forcing it.

One thing I, we, (Erin and I),  have been praying about for a few months has been God’s purpose with music in my life. I love my band, and I’ve come to love playing music for worship as well. (If you’re not a christian or haven’t been to church and think that this is where I swan dive into the deep end, bear with me). What I’m saying is that I believe we are created to worship our creator, and that our greatest joy can be found in him. Playing music that  praises the many attributes of God, is one of the ways  christians do that.

Anyways, we’ve been praying about this, and in the last few months I’ve had some cool experiences playing and leading worship, at our home church, and at some others.  Oddly enough, I’ve been led back to where I started, at Journey Church outside of Phoenixville PA. My cousin,  Steve Defrain,  is the pastor there, and I used to be the worship leader there 4-5 years ago when the church started. At that time of my life, as I wrote in an earlier posts, I was in a very different place in my faith, and also in all aspects of life I was fairly immature. The commute there was a factor, but the bottom line is that after 23 years in church (Pastor’s kid),  I was burned out and disillusioned. I had seen the good and bad that comes from church, and church politics in general, and had enough of it. I knew how to talk how christians talked, and to act how christians should act, but couldn’t love how Christ loves. I think at that time I knew God, but didn’t know who I was in Christ, and in reality I probably didn’t care. (again, if you’re not a christian I’m sure that this  sounds wierd). I’m not saying that now I’m the picture of maturity (absolutely not), or that I have Christianity figured out, (I don’t); I just want God’s will.

So, a new season in life begins, and I’ll be there every Sunday  (9:30 & 11:15). We’re really thankful that God has blessed us this way, because it’s a pretty direct answer to prayer.  It also shows that God has a sense of humor, because he’s allowing me, the most cynical of all, to serve. If you are a praying person, I would appreciate a prayer for wisdom.

Back to rock and roll: The Mint’s album is called “Everything All at Once”. I’ll try and post some mixes on here when I get them.

-Jon

As we all go through various trials, personal, professional, etc…how we deal with these trials that can make all the difference.

Not that all musicians are this way, but I have a bent to the “emotional”, prone to focus on the negative, or the possible negatives in a situation.  I can take for granted all of the blessings I have to let something inconsequential rob my joy. I read today from the book of Nehemiah, and it was really encouraging. If you’re not familiar this is my recap:

Nehemiah was a Jew exiled in Babylon, and the walls of his home city, the city of God, Jerusalem, were destroyed. 

Nehemiah was disappointed, so disappointed that the bible says he wept when he heard about the state  his home was in. He prayed knowing God’s mercy to his people, and believed God would answer him. He wanted to go back and rebuild the walls, so with a sword in his hand he went back home and did it. The Jews who returned worked with one hand and held a weapon in the other, ready to defend the city. That’s an awesome picture for me;  following God, ready to work, sword in hand ready to fight for what God has for you. Maybe it’s because I think ninjas are cool and secretly wish I was a ulitmate fighter, but it’s pretty sweet to build city walls and hold sharp objects of destruction. Multi-tasking for the uber-manly.

There are times when I feel my dream is in decay. That whatever I felt was put into my heart to do that I thought was from God, was maybe just from myself, and my own sense of ambition.

The beauty is that when my, our, hearts feel in exile from our hopes and dreams, God is not. He’s ever-present in every situation.  I find that I really have no answers for the future, but I pray to the one who holds the past present and future in his hands, and that’s a comforting thing. Now if I could just find a cool sword…

I am home alone this weekend, being that my wife and daughter are at the beach for a “girls weekend”.  I know I should love a weekend to myself, and I’m having fun, but the truth is I don’t like it at all.

I’ll start by saying that God is smart, and in his infinite love and wisdom he blessed us with Addison in his timing; which was a few years ahead of our plan. She’s now 17 months old, and this is her:

she's very proud of her hat.

A few random examples on how God teaches me through her, and also her brother or sister yet to be born.

1. I am prideful, and nothing humbles you like a dirty diaper at 3am, or the first time I heard her say “love you daddy”. However cool I thought I was, the fragility of that moment, and every other time I hear those words breaks me down.

2. I have never prayed for wisdom more in my life than I do know. Being responsible for more lives than my own makes me realize how much I don’t know, and how much I need God to teach me, correct me, and guide the decisions I make.

3. I am learning grace. If you’re reading this and know me, then you know I can be pretty critical and harsh at times, not overflowing in love or compassion. What I am learning though, is that God’s grace is huge, and in that grace he extended the honor of being a dad to a sinner like me. In fact, the weight of being a parent brings to light how inadequate I am, bringing a much lower opinion of myself and elevating others.

Those are just 3 examples off of the top of my head. The Bible has numerous references to the blessing of children, (Psalm 127:3, Psalm 139:13), and I seemed to skip them, or the importance of them before I had my own. What I am thankful for is God’s plan in our lives, that even if Erin and I made our own, his was perfect. He has used the joy of having kids to increase my, and our (Erin & I’s) faith.

If you’re reading this and have children, then hopefully you feel similar to how I do, at least most days!

If you don’t plan to have kids, that’s cool, just be nice to them.

If you’re a young married couple like we were, and find out you’re unexpectedly pregnant take heart; God has a plan to bless you, even if you just crapped your pants.